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"That Hooker"

Updated: Nov 8

When I was in my early 20's, I started working at a commercial dungeon in NYC. I luckily went to college walking distance from my first dungeon, and I was able to take many shifts there around my classes. I was fascinated with BDSM, and learning all of the skills I could to hone my craft. Pre-recession in NYC, appointments were not in short supply, and I was lucky in the sense that we, as a dungeon, were always very busy. I had a cheap wardrobe and barely any knowledge at all, but I would stare wide-eyed at the independent, super-experienced women who would come and rent our dungeon rooms, clad in expensive leathers, the best boots, and a demeanor that gave you chills. I would be hypnotized as they walked obedient slaves down the long dungeon hallway on a leash into their session rooms. Wanting so badly to watch anything I could, I volunteered to go into a hundred or so appointments of others for free for any length of time I was allowed to do so in between my paid ones. When I had to sleep over at the dungeon, I would stay up late with Goddess Suki, our skilled independent visiting Mistress, and we would talk about submission and she would show me how to throw whips.

When you are passionate about your job and lifestyle and put a lot of time into it, that starts paying off. Being that I worked many shifts, it enabled me to meet a lot of subs and it wasn't long before I had a lot of sessions.

After a while, I started noticing the resentment from other women who were new to the dungeon, especially after the recession when business had dwindled. That's when I learned a hard and sad lesson in this industry... when you do well, you "MUST be a hooker."

"That hooker." That's what I was called. I started seeing women say it about other busy Mistresses too. It is the standard industry go-to when people are not doing well and hate you. It was pathetic.

Dungeons in NYC were being raided also at that time for illegal activities. A man came into my dungeon and asked me to session with him. He never took his clothes off, but asked if he could have some extra special fun with me. I was annoyed and sternly told him that he could go, and that we did not engage in any sexual activities there, only BDSM. After I walked him out, I went into the lounge complaining. The dungeon buzzer went off and the head of vice and his 2 guys, 1 who was the man I saw, were at the door. They wanted to talk. They said they have been trying for months to bust our dungeon and they couldn't. They said we should be a good example to the other dungeons in NYC. We told them that there are no black and white laws on the books and everything is a confusing gray area. Acts like strap-on and cbt were confusing legally and Dommes just didn't know what they could and could not do legally engage in. This conversation with my manager and boss, lead to them calling a meeting with sex workers in NYC to discuss laws. "The hooker" never got our dungeon busted.

After a while I out-grew my commercial dungeon like most women eventually do and I went on my own. After working really hard and saving up, I got up enough money to build out a studio for myself. It was not much, but it was something I was very proud of. I shot many corporal and spanking videos and began a busy little C4S store where my clips were constantly going to #1 in their categories. A few other Dommes at the time who were on the same path as me, were not doing the best, and again, I was labelled "that hooker."

"Don't go and shoot videos for that hooker, slave. She'll put you in the hospital. She doesn't know what she's doing, she is a prostitute" women would say, who never even met me.

I kept trucking ahead regardless and brushed it off. My submissive fiance and I, became a very well-recognized real BDSM M/s couple in the lifestyle scene. We were so turned on and being exhibitionists, would get so hot and heavy filming our BDSM videos, that we started filming some X-rated ones. Not many, just a handful. I even had a disclaimer in my videos stating that this is my real fiance/slave and this is never what I would do in my booked appointments. You could imagine the uproar from, not surprisingly, the same women.

"That hooker. How can she do that? That is why guys call me asking for sex acts! This is the only way she can make her money, isn't it? I bet she does that with clients! She has to!"

I can count on 1 hand, the men in 7 years who have asked me for sex acts because they saw it in a video of mine. Funny, huh?

By this point, it was simply typical industry hate that I was used to. I was not the first, or the last woman who was hated and labeled a hooker by other jealous women. I saw it all the time. It became laughable anytime I would hear a woman say it about another woman.

I had gotten in contact with a really established Domme who worked in the same area as me part-time. I was thrilled to hopefully meet her and team up with her. The moment she saw that I had a lot of business when she (I had no idea at the time) had been slow, labeled me a hooker and began a slander campaign. In a place with a population of 8 million people and no dungeons or other Dommes neaby, she thought there could be no way I would get any appointments? With the slander campaign going on non-stop all over her social media and even to clients face to face, it became immediately apparent why she was so slow.

Later on, I moved to Florida. I was continuing to work hard and play harder. I knew I needed a studio down in Florida. I started getting that going for myself. I was delighted to hear that I was chosen to be one of the very few lucky women, to do a big BDSM weekend-long event as an honored Mistress guest. I didn't know it at the time, but a huge uproar was held over it by 1 other Mistress guest who did not want me there. A woman who had never met me before. A woman who didn't know me from a hole in the wall. Who, despite my stellar reputation and good reviews, thought I was a hooker, a bad example. Because of a video of me from 5 years ago of my submissive fiance licking my vagina. How ridiculous, sad judgmental I thought at the time. Needless to say, they had me anyway and happily had me return. That woman and I....much later on, she became my best friend and I was there for her in what was a very bad time in her life when no one else was, despite me knowing about what she tried to do. Later on, she decided to tell people I was a hooker, so no one would want to work with me, so she could get all the work and assistance from me all for herself. 

While in Florida, a very well-known Domme and I met on a film set. She had just moved to Florida right before I did. We hit it off and became fast friends. She confessed that she never reached out to me earlier because, a woman had told her that I was just a dumb hooker. That woman was someone I worked with at my commercial dungeon 7 years ago...who hated me for doing well, and still did. My new friend had such a horrible image of me painted for her by someone else, that she picked up a whip and tried showing me how to throw it. I picked up both her whips and threw them both at the same time. She was shocked. She thought I was just starting as a dominatrix. When she visited the studio I was building for myself she was speechless when she first walked through the door. Before her were 2 dozen hoods, bondage gear, electro toys, dungeon furniture, and so on. The works. She thought this whole time, that I was a struggling former hooker recently turned dominatrix. She had never bothered to look at my website, through my fetlife, or through my video store. That's how horrible of an image she had of me, painted by someone else. She quickly realized, she had heard a lot of bullshit. "That hooker" held her hand when she died of cancer in her bed 2 years later.

I began my own weekend slavery event in South Florida, a huge dream of mine that because of my dying friend, took a while to come together and had been on hold for a long time. This was something I tried to do in Long Island years prior but could never get off of the ground. It was and still is a huge success. It is something I tear up thinking about when I think of the first time we all stood by a roaring fire whipping men on the cross. How surreal it all was. Despite the incredible accomplishment in Femdom that I have achieved, I am still called "that hooker" by women who will swear I must have sucked a million cocks to buy the equipment for my event.

I also noticed, that there is the strangest double-standard going on in this industry. Women who are incredibly successful dominatrix mega-stars, who may or may not live in another country, take sessions too, but do things like handjobs in their videos (Lexi Sindel, Ezada Sinn) are worshipped and applauded and adored by so many people (and rightfully so, I admire them both so much and will praise their success to the high heavens until I am out of breath and blue in the face) but I have my pussy licked in a video by my very own known slave/fiance am a heathen and should be burned at the stake. I have known women who has praised a woman like them, and at another time, has ripped me apart for the same act that these other women do. Why? Why the double-standard? Fuck that. That's just ridiculous. This is just how horrible and stupid people can be.

I had a moment when I went to Hawaii and was electronically signing the documents for the house I bought by the beach when I realized that "that hooker" has done really well for herself.

This is to all the "hookers" out there. Fuck them all. I love you. Living well is the best revenge. 


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