Why does seeing a dominatrix cost so much?
If you have ever wondered why a professional dominatrix charges what she does, then this blog post is for you.
The average cost of a very experienced and respected professional dominatrix in 2020 is around $350-$400 per hour depending on the circumstance around the appointment or type of appointment, and most women do discount multiple hour appointments depending on the situation. Why is this so high? This is very confusing for many men who are new to professional BDSM.
The answer to this can be summed up easily: Our advertising, website hosting, social media auto-posting, toys, gear, wardrobe, dungeon furniture and other furniture, dungeon rent or mortgage, insurance, taxes, makeup, hair, gym membership, and our oodles of classes on things from bondage to infectious disease prevention all costs a massive fortune. It’s an on-going cost which never ends. Add to this, going on tour which involves a flight cost, ubers, hotels and more expensive food on the go, and you truly have to charge what it is that we charge.
If you truly desire an education on the matter, then read further.
WE SEE PEOPLE FOR MORE THAN JUST BASIC APPOINTMENTS
Your needs might be very basic. You might just be looking for something simple, such as being dominated by feet, stepped on, made to lick boots. You might only want a light spanking. However, a good dominatrix not only does appointments which cover some basic requests, she also does appointments that are much more elaborate, such as suspension bondage (being tied up and hung with rope from a safe specified apparatus), medical fetish, or scripted lengthy role play scenarios complete with lots of meticulously planned torture. We have to learn much more than the basics in order to have fulfilling and successful careers. A good dominatrix also knows that sometimes, even the people with basic requests, will eventually want to try more elaborate acts as they grow comfortable and she shows him new things. A good dominatrix, is an educator, teaching their client about their kinks, about related kinks, and showing him a safe path to explore much more than what he originally thought he could.
EVEN BASIC APPOINTMENTS ARE A LEARNED ART
Your appointment might seem simple to you, but there is a learned art to everything. A dominatrix must have a very deep understanding of why someone is there to see her, in order to give the paying customer the adventure he signed himself up for. Even a scolding and behavior correction appointment that has only a light spanking in it, must be done with finesse, intelligence, and by a professional. “Light” and “simple” does not always translate well to “new girl who charges very little.” There’s a difference between hiring someone to spank you who is brand new and doesn’t truly get why you need that spanking, and someone who deeply understands the punishment you truly want to go through, and makes you feel it with her words and demeanor before her hand every touches your bottom.
“I cannot believe how you just got inside of my head with your words! It’s as if you read my mind.” We hear this often from people who finally had quality experiences for the very first time. (However, I can't knock the new Mistresses. Some are naturals!)
EVEN BASIC APPOINTMENTS REQUIRE SKILL
I once had someone book me for a ballbusting appointment who told me he usually sees any sex worker in town who is available charges the least amount, because to him, being kicked in the balls seemed like a simple act you couldn’t get wrong. There is actually a very specific way to kick someone in the balls, and it involves the top of your foot and NOT your toes. Sadly he ended up with a hematoma in his testicle from a model at a convention he paid to kick him.
There is also a very specific way to slap someone in the face, without breaking their ear drum. There is a specific way, to use someone as a human ashtray, and put a cigarette out on someone’s tongue. There are specific areas on the body where even a mild spanking could be dangerous. Don't get me started on kidney damage, a common way that unskilled, inexperienced people hurt other people when padding, caning or doing other forms of impact play incorrectly.
LOCATIONS (DUNGEONS) ARE A FORTUNE
A dominatrix must provide a location to see you in, and this location most likely will be a dungeon, or at the very least, it’s a place that she might bringing a lot of BDSM equipment or toys to, to replicate a dungeon environment based on the needs of the people she is seeing. A dungeon costs a lot of money. Most reputable professionals have their own dungeons after 7 or so years in the industry. Others may choose to pay by the hour to rent an established and equipped dungeon in the area. If a dominatrix is renting by the hour, she is most likely paying around $60-80/per appointment hour. This means she is spending between $1,000 and $3,000 per month depending on how much business she has. Otherwise, she has her own location that she made into a dungeon for herself that she rents from a landlord. Most likely, her location is costing her anywhere from $1,000-2,000 a month on average depending on the city, plus utilities and insurance. If she owns it, then she had to put a down payment on it and has a mortgage, taxes, insurance and utilities. This is BEFORE she does anything needed work to it. Some dungeons only need a little paint and others need entire walls built to separate spaces into themed areas, showers or even entire bathrooms installed.
There is the cost of BDSM furniture such as a cross, spanking bench, a bondage table, and then some. Some women have elaborate medical suites with a gurney or a dedicated sissy bedroom. Besides having many pieces of BDSM furniture, we also need regular furniture too. A sofa, coffee table, desk, a straight-backed chair, a dining table are all common necessities. Dungeon furniture could cost $5,000 for a low-end basic set-up and upwards of $30,000 for a very elaborate set-up with multiple rooms.
THE TOYS AND GEAR
Then there are the toys and gear to fill that space with. A set of high-end electrical equipment plus attachments can easily cost $1,000. A venus 2000 is around $1,000 and each receiver is $100 and the latex sheeting is expensive to replace. A set of single tail whips could cost $1,200 or more. CBT torture devices, clamps, chastity devices of many types and sizes, hoods alone of a good quality leather cost around $300-500 per hood. Bondage sacks go anywhere from $500 for a basic leather sack to $2,200 for a custom made Fetters suspension-capable leather sack. Rubber bondage gear can cost a lot of money too between vac beds and full gimp bondage suits. I have only named a small amount of the things we need to buy. I estimate that between my dungeon in Florida and the one I have in Long Island, that there is $30,000 in gear and toys between the two spaces at any given time. This isn’t the total cost that I have spent or will spend, as I need to replace items all of the time. Things wear out, break, or accidentally get left behind in a hotel. I also need to consistently buy new things to attract clients who want to try those new and exciting things.
Our latex outfits and leather outfits are very expensive, hundreds of dollars per piece. While our leather outfits might last a lifetime, our latex ones often will wear out and break beyond repair with only a little use. Latex is extremely fragile and the wearer is supposed to be very cautious when wearing such a garment but we are asked to wear such attire in appointments where we are going to be actively dominating someone physically, doing the very opposite of being careful. This often causes us to rip our outfits, leading us to send them our for repair to someone who specializes in rubber, which means we often are mailing them. If it cannot be patched or otherwise easily mended and is ruined, it could be an $800 dress that is destroyed. We also need to have many types of pantyhose and stockings in different types of materials, colors and styles, along with other types of attire. I also need business suits, cocktail dresses, gym clothes and so many other outfits that I own only for dungeon use. These outfits do get destroyed, especially stockings after 1 or 2 uses, and need to be frequently replaced or added to. We also need to keep a large amount of shoes of many different types. Mules, slingbacks, pumps, platforms, are some examples of high heels that I need to have. Boots. Sneakers. Keds shoes. Designer shoes. Leather, PVC, latex boots.
MAKE-UP, HAIR CARE AND THE GYM
Keeping ourselves looking nice costs a lot of money. Between gym memberships, hair salons, nail salons, and the best make-up, we can easily spend anywhere from $300 on the low end to $600 on the high end per month.
Just to put ads out there, it could cost us $200 or so per month for just two or 3 advertising avenues. We also have monthly/yearly website fees, server bills if we sell lots of our own videos, and programs which can auto-post to our social media to remind our clients of our on-goings and more costs.
A few of us at one point or another have used a personal assistant part time. This person is in charge of checking our emails, checking references for us, and done other tasks from errands to organization, to video and photo editing. This costs us around $15,000-$30,000 per year depending on the type of assistance and the frequency of the assistance.
Many of us have taken numerous classes (and we still take classes) on BDSM. Classes are held all over the world, and we even sometimes go to conventions where we can take a multitude of classes in the same few days. Classes can be as low as $20 per class or as high as $2,000 depending on the class and how intense it is. Many Mistresses have taken thousands of dollars in classes. Or they have paid others for mentorships.
It isn’t uncommon for women in my field to have a lawyer to consult with. We also need to have an accountant just like everyone else, someone to manage our finances and taxes.
For a dominatrix to come to your area from far away, she has to bring not only herself but a lot of her things with her. The flight, luggage fees, cabs, and hotel costs plus the cost to rent a local dungeon really add up to thousands of dollars, not to mention her time to pack and travel there. Plus being on the go means you are at the mercy of the food around you and are unable to eat in a way that isn’t costly.
Many women charge an extra $50+ per booked appointment hour to cover these expenses. Some will charge $100.
EXTRA TIME TO PREP OR CLEAN UP
Sometimes your appointment SEEMS easy, but it’s actually a lot more prep than you realize. For example you may like to be dominated with smelly feet and red toenails. I might not always have red toenails, and now I have to do them red, days in advance so they do not smell like fresh nail polish the day that I see you, a smell that sweaty foot clients despise. Then I have to get my feet to smell ripe, yet still manage to shave my legs without getting my feet wet and washing the funk away. This could go on for a few days until my feet smell funky enough for your session. This is not easy, it is time consuming and pretty irritating although the end result is worth it. However, we must charge accordingly for this appointment, a price which reflects the time and effort we had to put into doing all of this work over the span of days. Many smelly foot guys do not understand this at all and assume our feet would naturally smell from just an hour of walking around in our gym sneakers. Some appointments take forever to clean up, which means I cannot take any other appointments at that time. Heavy rubber bondage appointments for example, are a type of appointment where the whole dungeon must be scrubbed from top to bottom as well as the equipment, to get all of the sweat and silicone lube off of every surface and it takes sometimes hours.
Our jobs require a large amount of disposable items. Paper towels, cleaners, lysol wipes, puppy pads to put down to avoid messy situations, larger puppy pads for larger, messier situations, disposable tarps for the messiest situations, towels for showers which are often replaced, laundry detergent, bleach, dishwashing liquid, mops, toilet paper, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, single use tooth brushes, mouth wash, tooth paste, spray deodorant, razors. Then we have condoms to put over anal toys, water based lube, silicone lube, surgical bacterial-static lube, needles, skin staplers, foley catheters, medical grade disinfectants, anti-fungal cleaners, alcohol, peroxide, first aid kits, saran wrap, duct tape, vet wrap, micro-foam, gloves (latex), gloves (non-latex) and SO MUCH MORE. We easily spend 3 to 4 thousand dollars per year on these supplies. I also provide a plethora of snacks and beverages for my clients because some of them travel far and have a long ride home and I’d like to give them something for the car ride to hold them over, or they have low blood sugar during a scene and need to stop and eat something.
THIS IS A TYPE OF SEX WORK
Most likely, we will be seeing you naked, dealing with doing something mean and kinky to your genitalia, and possibly to your ass. We are touching your body in 1 way or another. You might be aroused when we do this (although some people are not). Your arousal and the involvement of your genitalia means that it’s considered a type of “sex work” despite me choosing to not ever give you a hand job, or ever taking my clothes off. Sex work is a difficult path because we are highly shamed by society, and have all sorts of issues and difficulties in life for choosing to do this work. Not to mention, we get stalked, harassed, bullied online, and are in danger of being harmed more so than if we decided to become a teacher. It’s a risky job. It must have a price attached to it where it’s worth the risk and constant harassment, death threats and overall stigma involved, and also is worth touching YOUR genitalia.
WE PAY TAXES
Unlike what men who hate sex workers try to portray, we actually all do pay taxes. We are adults.
There are more costs involved, but I have gone over the most common. When you are paying $350 per hour, you are paying for a very special experience, with someone who has gone through a lot of training and purchased a lot of items to make this experience a reality for you. Someone who has a lot of overhead involved in her career in order to continuously provide these experiences for you and for other people like you. The price is fair, but it is a luxury. Not every person can easily afford it, many people budget and save up for it because they know it is worth every penny.